Despite the fact that co-sleeping has gone from a big cultural “no-no”, to being huge parenting “Yes”, I am not afraid to say that I hate co-sleeping. I absolutely hate it.
Let’s read that again … I hate co-sleeping. I don’t hate my children, I just don’t want them sleeping in my bed anymore!
If you aren’t familiar with the term co-sleeping, a co-sleeper is when you let your kids sleep in your bed with you. Basically you share any bed or sleeping surface with your children. Offically, co-sleeping refers to the practice of sharing a sleeping surface or sleeping space with a child or another person, such as a partner or family member. It can be done in various ways, including bed-sharing (sharing a bed), room-sharing (sharing the same room but not the same bed), or co-sleeping with a separate sleep surface attached to the adult bed.
For the purposes of this article, I’m talking about when your small child hates sleeping on their own, and only settles when they are in your bed. Personally I hate co-sleeping with my children. Kudos to those of you who love it, but I’m not one of them.
Why do I hate Co-sleeping you might ask …
Well, picture the scene:
It is 07.15am on a Sunday morning and I am lying on the sofa trying to sleep but more pissed off and exhausted, so sleep isn’t likely to happen. My kids tiptoe into the lounge and DARE to ask me if they can watch TV, to which I respond, “No, you can’t watch TV now. Go read a book. Mommy is NOT getting up.”
Of course they whined so much that I did in fact get up and go back to my bed so they could watch TV.
So, Why Do I Hate Co-Sleeping?
Well, it’s not all bad … Most nights start off really well. Especially school nights. My girls are excellent at going to bed in their own beds, on time, with minimal fuss. And it’s been like that for years. I admit it, and I am extremely grateful for it.
But there is a flip side to that smug coin!
At least one night during the week, and usually every night of the weekend, at least one or the other of the girls will end up in our bed. Sometimes even both.
This is not a problem for my husband. He’s a cuddler. He is literally the best co sleeper. I am not.
In actual fact I am convinced that the girls creep into our bed during the night seeking him out. They want his welcoming warmth and a warm cuddle. Everytime we get a bigger bed, he claims its for us, but I know it’s because he would be quite happy with a family bed. To a point.
I’m not sure, but I think this is the whole foundation for the co sleepers, the pro-co-sleeping movement. The fact that it provides a warm, safe and comforting environment for your child. I’m not denying that there are many benefits of co sleeping …
What do they actually do that’s so bad?
The seven year old sleeps with her knees tucked up … in my back. She somehow manages to wedge her knees right under my rib cage. In addition to that, she can be a bit of a talker. I could live with the talking, but the rib cage attack, is not on really.
My 5 year old is a kicker! And she’s been like this for 5 years. I’m not joking. Despite being bigger now, she is still capable of turning so that she is sleeping width ways between my husband and I, and will then literally kick me in the head. Her head always go to him, and her feet always go to me.
Some Shocking Home Truths … duhn duhn duhn!!
Last night whilst we were discussing the sleeping situation, they seemed quite surprised when I explained that despite mommy and daddy sleeping in the same bed for nearly 14 years, not once have either of us ever kicked the other in the head! Intentionally or unintentionally. Never.
I know right! And the conversation ended with me explaining that there will be no co-sleeping tonight!
What Actually Went Down?
We went to bed at 09.00pm last night. By 10.30 I was tired of being kneed in the back so I went to sleep on the sofa.
At about 01.00am the 5 year old woke up and wanted me to go sleep with her in her bed (the bottom of the bunk bed). I asked her to please sleep in her sisters bed, at the top, since her sister was in my bed! But she wanted to be with me. So I got in. She proceeded to kick me and slap me repeatedly, so I decided to go back to the sofa.
I suppose I could have got on the top bunk, but I am 37 years old, and I don’t want to! Not that I haven’t done it, but trying to sleep up there is like sleeping on a boat!
Then at 05.30am the cat started vomiting. Yes. That happened. That sound gets me up quicker than a crying child. So I had to deal with that, and then I went back to my bed, where the 7 year old and husband were sleeping soundly.
Then at 07.00am I couldn’t take it anymore, the kneeing and talking that is. And so I went to the loo, and then flushed the toilet with all the pent up exhaustion and anger I could muster … and went back to the sofa. Again.
Not even 5 minutes later both kids are awake asking me to go back to bed so that they can watch TV! Seriously!
And my husband, well he sleeps through it all. The kicking, the whinging, the bed hopping, the toilet flushing and the cat vomiting. Seriously!
I just can’t do it anymore. Co-Sleeping is not for me!
I wrote a post about this a few years ago, claiming that co-sleeping is a myth. Not because I don’t believe that people do it, but because of the whole ‘sleep’ element. Because I am certainly not getting any sleep.
I have already declared this morning that they are not allowed in the bed anymore. I’m sure that declaration holds as much weight as a cobweb!
Do I Have Other Reasons for hating co-sleeping
Yes. Yes I do.
You know how when you’re pregnant, or contemplating having children, or even just thinking about it hypothetically, there is the rhetoric that you hear from your older relatives [amongst everything else about parenting] that children should sleep in their own beds.
I became fairly good at filtering out the noise and deciding for myself what was best for me and my children, but sometimes you don’t realise how much of an effect on your psyche that rhetoric has.
When I was nearly 9 months pregnant with my second child, my eldest [22 months old] would only fall asleep being pushed in her pushchair. And I couldn’t take it anymore.
My husband stepped in, took her out the pram, put her in the bed with him, and after a few nights of a lot of crying and tantrums from her [and me], it started to work. Well, the pushing stopped. But then we had another ‘problem’ on our hands, or so I thought. Although back then I had bigger issues to deal with.
But I do remember sitting in the lounge, listening to her crying and screaming and hating the whole situation, but being too tired and pregnant to do anything about it. I hated it because I didn’t want her to sleep in my bed because I thought it was wrong.
I Know Better. But I Can’t Turn It Off.
On some level the rhetoric had penetrated and I was feeling ashamed. Ashamed that I couldn’t put my child to sleep in her own bed (at 23 months old). Ashamed that my husband had to take it on, surely as her mother I should have done it. Ashamed that I was too tired to do anything about it, but let it happen.
I know now that that is ridiculous. And that’s no longer the reason I hate co-sleeping. Now, it’s purely because of the kicking, slapping and back-ache.
It’s because I’m tired.
And after parenting for 7 and a half years, I just want to sleep properly without waking up, for the kids, or the cat, or the toilet flushing, or the wind blowing. Any of it. None of it. I just want to sleep in peace. Is that too much to ask?
I hate co-sleeping, and I’m not afraid to say it. Bring on the haters!
So tell me, are you a pro-co-sleeper? Or are your kids feral and you just want to sleep in peace!
Just in case you missed it, here are some ‘professional’ reasons to hate co-sleeping:
There can be various reasons why someone might dislike or even hate co-sleeping. Some possible why many many others, and I hate co-sleeping include:
- Discomfort: Some people may find it physically uncomfortable to share a sleeping surface with another person due to differences in sleep habits, body temperature, or movement.
- Disrupted sleep: Co-sleeping can sometimes result in disrupted sleep due to snoring, tossing and turning, or waking up to attend to the needs of the other person.
- Safety concerns: Bed-sharing with infants or young children can pose a risk of accidental suffocation or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), which may cause anxiety or fear in some people.
- Personal preferences: Some people simply prefer to sleep alone and value their personal space and independence during sleep.
It’s important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to sleep, and what works for one person may not work for another. If you dislike co-sleeping, it’s okay to prioritize your own sleep preferences and find a sleeping arrangement that works best for you.
sounds a nightmare (just joking) will save you in June ha ha
Uffda! I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates co-sleeping, and yet I happened to do it with my oldest and now we are doing it with my youngest. Currenly, my little has a cold and I spent the night with her needing to touch me at all points in the night to make sure I was there next to her, all the while she was coughing and sneezing in my face. I’m so tired! Typically, she starts out in her own bed and then then will wake up in the middle of the night and find her way to our bed. Now, my husband and I could easily bring her back to her own bed, but I will be the first to admit that we’ve gotten lazy at doing this. Mostly because she isn’t one to fall asleep if we just bring her back to her bed, we have to lay with her until she falls back to sleep…then one of us ends up falling asleep in her bed. The struggle is real! Loved reading this post!
That’s usually the way. Some people consciously decide to do it, but the rest of us just lazily fall into it. X
I’m a co-sleeper who is longing to have my own bed.
I agree, co-sleeping is a massive pain in the arse (and the legs, the ribs, the neck etc etc). For me, co-sleeping is a mark of deperation – a point I only reach when all else has failed or I’m too exhausted to put up a fight! For the record I AM a cuddler, but I still hate it! #ItsOK xxx
I hate co sleeping so much that neither of my child has ever spent a single night in my bed! My son will do it for the first time when his Dad and sister are away at Beaver camp and i’m Not expecting to get any sleep that night! Also, my cat occasionally makes sick sounds when I’m in bed but isn’t actually sick, I suspect she’s worked out that it’s the quickest way to get me up! #itsok
I’m with you! I’m hate it too! If they actually just went to sleep then I wouldn’t mind, and I only use it as a last resort when all else has failed and I’ve lost the will to live. But my babies not only roll around a lot that I don’t sleep panicking that they’ll roll off the bed, but they decide my bed is a sodding trampoline at 3am, hold onto the headboard and start bloody bouncing!! Also the worst night ever was recently when they were all poorly and we had a three year old, and 21 month old trampolining twins in with us. We’ve got a superking bed and I wish they would all just piss off and leave me to enjoy it!!
It never had a name when I had my kids, I thought co-sleeping was a planned decision where the child didn’t have their own bed, this just sounds like your kids just keep coming into your room which ours did all the time and were booted out with haste. It does stop BTW #itsok
We have never encouraged co-sleeping not even when my girls were babies. The cot was in our room but they would both sleep in their cot. From 10 months old both moved to their own rooms with the baby monitor being on at night. This has worked well for us and it made the transition form cot to bed so much easier #itsok
Ah, co-sleeping, a hot topic with all parents. We didn’t want to do it either after a point of time, but it just happened most (ok, every) night and we were so exhausted, it just seemed easier to deal with. Now Little Man sleeps in his own bed in his own room but eventually lands up in our bed at some point in the night… Not the ideal situation but at least the kicking is a bit less than before, and the sleep is not (much) disturbed, so we’re going with the flow. And I confess, sometimes I love to cuddle him and smell that semi-baby smell (or what’s left of it with all the sweat and boy smells thrown in!!!). But I remember getting NO SLEEP when we co-slept when he was a baby, because I was petrified of the blanket accidentally going over his head!
#itsok
Oh wow, I have often wondered am I a bit like Captain Von Trapp from the Sound of Music (only without the whistle) but now I am sure because I have never let either of my daughters sleep in our bed. For me it is a big no. no. And I always knew I wouldn’t tolerate it. I remember telling my husband very early on how much I am not into it. For me our room and bed is sacred. That is my space and after a very long day I love going to bed and I am not prepared to share it! I am a very routine and regimental person by nature so I was always going to be that way with my girls but they responded very well to it. It was never an issue. They always went to their cot/bed by themselves and that is all they ever knew. Oh my gosh if I ever had to share my bed with them too I would have gone insane a long time ago. I just commend you for lasting as long as you did! So I am totally with you on not liking co-sleeping and I say get tough and claim your bed back as your own. You deserve it! #itsok
I agree wholeheartedly! I put my daughter back in her cot so that she couldn’t come into our bed. #itsOK
As a mama who has co-slept for the last 4 years I totally get this! #itsok
I have my good days and bad days when it comes to this. I enjoy it when it isn’t frequent and I find we struggle to get into a routine if it has been school holidays or we have been away or if the moon is late in rising.