Yesterday I achieved a higher level of achievement as a Domestic Engineer than I ever thought was possible.
What Is A Domestic Engineer? It is the professional job title of the stay-at-home-parent who is mostly responsible for the household chores, kids, the school-run and feeding the family!
I might actually be broken
After a morning of running a number of errands around town, I then collected the girls from school. We spent the afternoon at home. Between 12.30 and 15.45 I achieved the following:
- Completed the DIY apron I had cut out the night before. (see fabric under muffins in featured image)
- Baked the most delicious banana muffins EVER! Note: there are none left. I found the recipe on Pinterest and have to share it with you all. It was delicious! My Mommy Style Banana Muffins . And they really were perfect, even with the ‘help’ of my two little assistants!
- I also cooked roast beef, with rice, prepped the veggies and even did all the washing up! (Surely that’s 5 bonus points right there?)
There’s more …
After that, I took the girls to their swimming lessons at the gym. I then came home at 17.20 to be met by my husband’s friend who was staying over but had arrived an hour early. At the same time, our neighbour was outside the house, he’d just returned home from a two-month vacation.
Picture the scene:
- The kids are climbing in the building sand belonging to the body-corporate of the estate. (Even though we have been asked in writing NOT to let the children play in it – really!);
- The neighbour’s small dogs were running around yapping and attempting to escape their leashes;
- My dog-hating cats were attempting to kill the dogs using spit & hiss technique backed up by mock-charge tactics;
- The neighbour and friend (previously strangers) were conversing in Afrikaans while I stand there and nod politely. I didn’t have a clue what they’re saying, and simultaneously attempting to rescue the neighbour’s dogs from the deadly cats and politely discipline my unruly children. The children who had suddenly gone deaf and were quite frankly abusing the fact that they knew I wouldn’t unleash the full force of mommy’s fury on them in front of the neighbour and friend and therefore they were ‘safe’! (Little shits!)
*breathe in … breathe out … breathe in … breath out*
Needless to say I furiously texted my husband to demand he gets home in the next five minutes OR ELSE! Luckily for him, he did!
(I’m not really sure what ‘Or Else’ looks like, but fortunately neither of us have had to follow through! )
After my husband arrived home, I made a run for it. I grabbed the girls with a deadly mommy arm grip that they recognised and therefore there was no need for any words (Picture above!). I then frog-marched them inside and plonked them in front of the TV (don’t judge me). Through clenched teeth, I have the strict instruction to “Sit down and watch TV”.
I then proceeded to butcher the delicious piece of meat I’d cooked to perfection hours earlier. Butcher is the only term I can use because whilst I can cook a roast, I always fail at carving it correctly!
The girls ate their dinner watching TV. The men tinkered with their motorbikes and I was left sipping water!
“WATER!!! Good god woman! Why?”
Why, you ask? Well because we were waiting for the nurse to come round to take blood samples for our new Life Insurance policy so that meant I had to wait until after that before I calmed my stress level with wine! She was only due at 19.00!!
Domestic Engineer, Operation Take Control.
AND THEN, if that wasn’t enough, whilst I was being attended to by the nurse, the children were left running riot. The men were busy having a beer and talking men-stuff about their motorbikes. All the while completely oblivious to the fact that the nurse was about to stick a needle in my arm, and the children were ripping the house apart!
At this point my ability to be polite had vanished. I yelled like a banshee for my husband to sort the kids out. At this exact moment I was hooked up to the blood pressure machine only to have it read 90/50!! I sh*t you Not! It was LOW! Too Low!
How is that possible when my stress level was off the scale? How?
She then proceeded to attempt to draw blood. As usual, my veins decided to do a run and hide game. The registered nurse with at least 35 years of experience was unable to find the veins. On BOTH arms.
I am now sporting a lovely purple lump on one arm, and I have to go try again today because she just couldn’t do it! FML! She did the BP test again after all that and it was 90/60 so at least it looks good on paper.
Eventually, the nurse left, the kids went to bed. I fed the men my less than perfect roast by that time (20.30), and they ate it very politely. They then packed up their motorbikes ready for their four-day bike tour. WITHOUT ME. At that point, I decided to give up on life and proceeded to drown my misery in wine!
Kidding I only had one glass, BECAUSE IT WAS FINISHED!
Apart from the fact that I have to go and try give blood again today, I’m really praying I have a better/less stressful day today.
Check out my grocery list for the day: WINE, Cupcakes, Bread. ‘Nuff said!
Isn’t that mom life for you? Can I please get some kind of recognition or award for being the most awesome Domestic Engineer there is? I think I deserve it.
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