This guest post offers advice on how to help you and your child cope with your divorce. Whilst I may not have written the post, I do believe that the advice in this post is good. I’m a child of divorce, so from a child’s perspective (even if I’m nearly 40) this advice on how to help you and your child cope with your divorce is fair.
After living with your loved one for some time, there might be a couple of disagreements here and there. But, other times, these arguments may take a toll on your life, and the best way to solve them is to undergo separation. Couples need some time apart to rethink their life decisions. Other times, they end up resolving to go their separate ways. Unfortunately, undergoing a divorce is not that easy, especially if you have kids involved.
This is a collaborative post and I have been compensated for my time.
8 Tips To Help You And Your Child Cope With Your Divorce
At all times, it’s important always to be honest with your child about your divorce. Your children may be used to seeing both parents in the house. And now that you are separating, they may get confused. It would be best to take time to help your child deal with the divorce, but first, you also have to be strong and handle it correctly.
Avoid Trash Talking
It is normal for feelings of hate to arise during this sensitive period. You may end up fighting a lot and going back and forth with your ex-spouse. Even though that might be the case, you should learn how to handle situations like mature people.
At all times, avoid arguing in front of your children. When they see this, they develop stress, affecting how they interact with others in the future. Learn patience and anger management techniques to avoid unnecessary outbursts.
Even if you aren’t on the best terms with each other, talk to your kids positively. For example, let them know that you both love them and you’ll always be available.
Involve Legal Help
During these difficult times when dealing with a divorce, parents may argue over ownership of several items. Moreover, you may have issues with child custody. It will help if you seek the proper authorities to advise on child support agreements.
Involving the proper authorities will help avoid any disagreements. As parents, the court will first analyse your relationship with the children. You will then get a chance to be part of their lives without having to live together. Remember, irresponsible behaviour may cost you dearly.
Adjust Your Routine Quickly
Without a doubt, your separation will bring about changes. For instance, if you were both dropping off the children before work, one of you may have to take up the responsibility alone.
To avoid confusion, you should help your child adjust as soon as possible. However, doing this does not mean you should cut off any of their activities. On the contrary, extracurricular activities are essential to keep your child distracted during this distressing time.
After school or during the weekends, you could spend more time with them. By doing so, it will reassure them of your love and support.
Talk to Them About the Divorce
Even though the divorce is significantly your business, your children are also involved and need to know about it. Therefore, when you finally decide with your spouse to go forth with the idea, you need to tell your child about it.
Failure to inform your child will leave a couple of questions unanswered, and, in the future, this will build frustration and hate towards the parent. Therefore, it would be wise to pick a suitable and comfortable spot to discuss with your child.
You can buy them their favourite food, take them to their best hang out spot and play some games with them. And then, when telling them the news, make sure you use simple language. Big words may confuse your child, and they may not understand you.
Also, you should expect some throwing of tantrums or shedding of tears. Therefore, pick out a private spot where you won’t distract others. Even though your child may break down a lot and probably beg you to stay together, politely assure them that it was the best decision to make at that point.
Some parents may opt to get back together because of the children, but you should start learning how to adapt to your new lifestyle if you don’t think that would work.
Encourage Your Child To Communicate
As a way of dealing with the situation, your child may become silent for some time. This behaviour may be because they need time to process that they may have to move to a new place or get used to not seeing their father or mother every day.
At this time, do not pressure them to get used to the situation. Understand that everyone has different ways of handling their emotions. Instead, it would help if you encouraged them to talk to you freely. Allow them to ask questions and don’t sugarcoat the situation by lying, making it worse.
Some children may find it hard to talk to their parents but will willingly talk to their relatives. Therefore, allow them to visit their favourite family member. Spending time with them will help your child open up about their genuine emotion about the situation. Then, you can get feedback from relatives.
Maintain Your Health
During this time, there is a high chance that your health may deteriorate. You may hardly have time to take care of yourself or your child. But, it would be best if you did not let this overpower you. You ought to take control of the wheel.
It would be a great idea to start going to the gym or perform simple home exercises. Exercise is vital as it boosts your mental and emotional health. In addition, as you work out, your body produces some endorphins that bring about happy moods afterwards.
You will be even more motivated, and you can concentrate on your work or studies. Moreover, working out will help you function better, and in return, you can make money to support your children and your personal life.
Also, let your children join you. For example, you can go for runs together or an evening walk. This opportunity will help you bond with your children, try discover ways to motivate your kids to exercise more.
Get Help for Your Children
Your child’s performance may not be the best during this time of their life. You can have them enrol in a therapy session if you aren’t always available. A therapist knows the right buttons to push, the sensitive talks to avoid, and the right words to use to put a smile on your children’s faces.
Furthermore, at school, their grades may drop, and they may develop poor concentration. It would help if you hired a private tutor to help your child. You can also check their homework and correct them where needed. Finally, encourage them to study on their own and to do extra exercises during their free period.
Communicate With the Other Parent
You might want to cut off ties with your ex-spouse completely, but for the sake of your child, you should ensure you don’t end things roughly. Resolve any grudges you may have and assure them that they are not your enemy. This way, your child will find it easier to have a relationship with both of you.
When hanging out together, refrain from arguments and mainly focus on the child. If you have any personal issues, it would be best to solve them during your private time together. Even though you’re trying to level the grounds with your ex-spouse, you should be wary that some may try to take advantage of the situation by being manipulative.
A parent may be a bit extra with the child by buying them additional gifts to get them to put in a good word for them. Try to avoid this behaviour, and if it persists, you should seek help from the proper authorities.
Ultimately, your life may not have a guide, but hopefully, these tips help you and your child cope with your divorce.
Please note, this is a guest post written to share advice on how to help you and your child cope with your divorce. It was not written by me and is not based on my personal experience.