Coming home from the hospital with your brand new baby is not only an emotional time, it’s exhausting. No matter how much you prepare your home in advance, there will be things that you just can’t keep up with, and that’s okay. What a lot of people forget is that in the first few weeks, the mum who gave birth to the baby is a hormonal wreck whose body has been through a lot! Not only is mum trying to get her own physical strength back, but she’s feeding baby on demand too.

How to help a new mum in the first few weeks

woman holding baby beside man smiling

If you are the partner of a new mum, or maybe you are the grandparents who have come to stay to help out, here are some practical ways that you can help in that first month of mayhem. 

  1. Take on Night Feedings: If the baby is bottle feeding, then offer to handle some of the nighttime feedings, allowing the new mother to get more restorative sleep. This gesture can be especially helpful in combating sleep deprivation. However, if the mother is breastfeeding, typically, only she can do this. Guidance suggests that if a mother is breastfeeding, it’s not advisable to pump for the first few weeks as the body will naturally work with the baby to supply the right amount of breastmilk. So, whilst this is a good suggestion to help the new mother in the first month, it doesn’t apply to most breastfeeding mamas.
  2. Prepare Nutritious Meals: Take charge of meal preparation or organize a meal train with friends and family. Having nourishing meals readily available can ease the burden on the new mom, ensuring she maintains good nutrition during this demanding time. This support with meals can extend to doing the grocery shopping and ensuring the meals for the day are planned out. Looking for inspiration? Explore baby meal ideas to ensure the meals are both nourishing and suited for the family. No newmum wants to also be the one to think of what to eat, what to buy, making sure the groceries are bought, prepping the food and then cooking and cleaning up after too. Just do it for them please? 
  3. Handle Household Chores: Assist with household chores such as laundry, dishes, and tidying up. A clean and organized living space can contribute significantly to a positive and stress-free environment for the new mother. When you are sleep deprived and barely hanging on with you broken body, keeping up with the laundry can be an even more thankless task, and as every household knows, the laundry never stops. Ever! Put the laundry in the machine, take it out. Put it in the dryer, then take it out and fold it. Stak the dishwasher, unpack the dishwasher, take the rubbish out, make sure the bins go out on the right day. All these little things not only help out practically but if you can help by taking the mental load off of the new mum too, this would be so appreciated. 
  4. Encourage Self-Care Time: Gently encourage the new mom to take short breaks for self-care. This could be a relaxing bath, a quiet moment to read a book or even a brief stroll outside. Having time for self-care can enhance her overall well-being. New mums can. quickly go into survival mode of eating, sleeping, feeding baby, changing baby, rinse and repeat. It’s so hard to ask for help, and don’t forget that their hormones are all over the place too. Gently encouraging self-care and fresh air is crucial for their mental and physical health. 
  5. Offer Emotional Support: Be an empathetic listener. New mothers often experience a range of emotions, and having someone to talk to can be incredibly comforting. Assure her that her feelings are valid and provide a non-judgmental space for her to vent. The whole experience of being a new mother, juggling a baby’s needs with her own, can be overwhelming. Having someone to empathise with her, hear her out, and just be there to provide some clarity on emotional situations can be all the help they need. Sometimes, they might be irrational, but that’s more likely the sleep deprivation and hormones talking. Let her vent. 
  6. Coordinate Visitors: Manage and coordinate visitors to ensure that the new mom is not overwhelmed. Having a structured visitation schedule allows her to rest, bond with the baby, and maintain a sense of routine. No new mum wants a continuous flow of well-meaning visitors who want to ‘see the baby’. Remember, that baby is probably attached to her somewhat broken body 90% of her day, and so having people to see the baby means they are seeing her too. Along with that will come the pressure to ensure she is presentable at all times. You can help by politely managing visitor expectations in line with what she needs. 
  7. Run Errands: Take care of errands such as grocery shopping, picking up prescriptions, fetching the other kids from school, or other essential tasks. This helps alleviate the pressure of leaving the house during the initial postpartum period. Whilst it’s a good idea to encourage mum and baby to leave the house so that they get some fresh air, it can be incredibly stressful to run errands with a brand-new baby. Help the new mum out by taking on these tasks yourself. 
  8. Learn about Breastfeeding: If applicable, educate yourself about breastfeeding and offer support during feeding times. Assist with latching, positioning, and be attentive to the mother’s comfort. This can be especially valuable in addressing any breastfeeding challenges. What you should not do is tell her how she’s doing it wrong! Especially if you’re a man … context people! If you don’t have a lactating breast, please don’t tell the new mum that she’s doing it wrong. There are some brilliant resources available to support mothers in their breastfeeding journey, and if she is struggling, encourage the new mum to speak to their health visitor. 
  9. Create a Comfortable Rest Space: Set up a cosy and comfortable space for the new mom to rest. This could include fluffy pillows, soft blankets, and a designated area where she can relax and bond with the baby without distraction. Help her to achieve this by preserving a corner of the home that is just for her, somewhere she can rest and recharge her batteries. This could be a window seat, a chair in the bedroom that’s not cluttered with clothes, or maybe even a serene and calm bathroom where she can soak her exhaustion away. 
  10. Celebrate Milestones: Acknowledge and celebrate the small victories and milestones during the first month. Whether it’s the baby’s first smile or a successful breastfeeding session, positive reinforcement boosts the new mother’s confidence and morale. The first month of motherhood can be an exhausting and tiring ordeal. Sure, it’s filled with love, pride, and joy, but let’s not sugarcoat it – it’s hard! Celebrating meaningful milestones is a great way to keep up mum’s spirits. And don’t try to create milestones, the milestones I’m talking about are things like, going out to get the groceries for the first time with the baby, or a successful trip to the midwife. It can even be something as simple as cooking a meal for the family for the first time. These might seem like trivial things, but when your days are long and tiring, there’s no milestone to inconsequential. 

And here’s another big tip, one she probably won’t appreciate in the moment, but years down the line she will. Take the photos. Take photos of her with the baby. Take photos of her. Take photos of the baby. Take the photos. I really wish I had more photos from that precious time. And here’s one of the main reasons … because it went by so fast I can barely remember a lot of it. She will need those photos to help her remember that time in her life.

Remember, every new mother is unique, and the key is to be attentive, flexible, and responsive to her individual needs and preferences.