A Catalogue Of Weekend Injuries

We had quite the weekend here in our house: A black eye, plate smashing, broken furniture, sick cats! Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up.

Let’s Assess

This is a list of the weekend injuries and breakages suffered (mostly) at the hands of my children … mostly.

Broken Cupboard

The least serious of all, but maybe most expensive on the list: the bathroom cupboard has been ripped off ONE of its hinges. Whilst I have tried to deny it, my husband is right, it can only have occurred due to the children hanging on it despite both of us yelling at them countless times NOT to do it. Why?

Black Eye

I have a black eye. This happened courtesy of my eldest. Whilst helping her dress, she was bending forward straightening her tights, so I lent forward to help her, and at the same moment she stood up straight. Her (very hard) head connected with my eye socket and voila … black eye!

The Runs!

Saturday morning both children developed diarrhoea which I can only blame on the sushi we splashed out on for them on Friday evening. This only presented itself whilst we were shopping in one of the local home DIY stores. It didn’t last more than 12 hours thank goodness. Either the ‘bug’ passed, or I blocked them up with Imodium so much that they may never ‘go’ again.

A Snashing Good Time

We went out on Saturday evening to a well known Fish & Seafood restaurant chain in town. I felt in control of the situation referred to above, and was armed with extra changes of clothing, loo rolls, and I made sure we were seated with a clear path to the toilets. I also took along back-up entertainment for them as this is one of the few places we go that doesn’t have a children’s play area.

The restaurant decided to put on a plate smashing and Greek dancing event to entertain the customers. This was very exciting for the children who had never seen anything like it! At one point the waiting staff decided to smash the plates on each other’s heads á la Tom & Jerry cartoon style. My eldest (again) thought this was a great idea and promptly attempted to smash an already broken piece of plate on my youngest’s head! (You can’t make this sh*t up!) Cue a crying 3 year old with a bleeding head wound (thank goodness nothing serious) and a crying 5 year old wracked with guilt. We went home shortly after. To be fair we’d been there for about two hours by this stage and mommy had already had too much wine and not enough bread so it was probably time to go anyway.

Cutting It Fine

The eldest (yes … again) decided to cut her own nails – I still don’t know where she found a pair of nail clippers because I usually keep them suspended from the ceiling. As I have predicted and warned against on many occasions, she cut her thumb nail so short it started bleeding. I have no sympathy.

Self Inflicted

My husband and I both had terrible hangovers on Sunday. Whilst I recognise that this is self-inflicted, I now realise that I am no longer 21 and able to recover as quickly as I used to. Yes, I know that is a cliche’. Despite my various efforts which included eating ALL the food, hydrating and keeping the TV volume way down, I still had a tough day. I even went back to bed for an hour while the children were at Sunday School but as karma would have it, I couldn’t sleep – must be the ‘mom guilt’ again! Disgusting behaviour from a “grown-up”.

The Zoo

The animals have not escaped unscathed either. The fat cat has been vomiting all weekend – this might be due to hunger pangs as there is never enough food. Beautiful! The small one has a cold and will be back at the vet tomorrow. The rescued baby pigeon did not survive and has gone to ‘heaven’. On the bright side – the ringnecks are fine.

That concludes my catalogue of weekend injuries. Not for the faint hearted, I tell you!

“You can’t make this stuff up!” – Mother’s everywhere!