The first four or five years of parenthood are a rollercoaster. Your children grow and develop so rapidly in such a short amount of time, and before you know it, they’re at school full-time. This leaves you in the strange position of suddenly having an empty home. Your job for the last few years has been being a mother, and now it feels like you’re working part-time. It’s a weird situation, and many mothers don’t know how to deal with it. 

You’ll start questioning your self-worth and may even have an identity crisis. Loads of moms go through this, which is why it helps to know how to deal with an empty home when your kids have gone. Of course, the emptiness of the house isn’t the main issue – it’s the symbolic nature of your children growing up and the start of them needing you less and less. 

The best way of dealing with this is getting in the right frame of mind and not letting it bring you down or force you to question your identity. Here are a couple of ideas that can help facilitate that: 

Find Ways To Stay Busy

New parents often play the busy parent juggling act. For five or six years, you’re doing loads of things at once, and then it stops. From 9 to 3 every day, you don’t have much to do anymore. This can make you feel lazy and it gives you too much time to think about things and doubt yourself. 

You can imagine how bad this is for your mental health, so try to find ways to stay busy. This might mean taking up a hobby, starting up a side-hustle, catching up with friends, doing tasks around the house or even considering studying or getting a part-time job. When your days are full, you feel a greater sense of self-worth and it makes you realise that being a parent isn’t all that defines you; you’re many other things too. 

Communicate With Your Partner

Sadly, many relationships break down when the kids head off to school. It’s the moment when the primary caregiver (typically the mother) doesn’t have as much to do and wants to maybe go back to work. In many instances, the other partner doesn’t want this to happen, and arguments ensue. Before you know it, a family lawyer is on the phone, and the divorce papers are being drawn up. 

This happens far more often than you think and it’s largely because the working partner is used to how things are and doesn’t see why they need to change. That’s why communication is key as you need to explain your feelings and tell them why you want to return to work (if that’s what you want to do). They’ll see it from your perspective and you could avoid lots of arguments as they finally realise why you want to go back to work and how beneficial it will be for everyone.

Even if you don’t want to work, you should still speak to your partner and express how you’re feeling about the whole situation. Having someone to talk to takes a load off your shoulders and they can reassure you that you’re a more than valuable human and you don’t need to be looking after the kids 24/7 to feel accomplished. 

It sounds crazy, but the moment your children go to school is both amazing and terrible. Without being too dramatic, it’s the “beginning of the end.” They’ll start growing up super fast and quickly become teenagers and young adults who seemingly don’t need you. It’s normal to panic at this point and start overthinking or doubting your self-worth. Take a deep breath, understand you’re more than just a parent, and work on feeling fulfilled while the kids are at school.