It’s me, I’m the grinch. This is a gift guide for kids, more specifically, for my kids, and for anyone wanting to send my girls gifts that is. Warning: post contains swearing, sarcasm and real threats! 

As we approach the festive season I have a few conditions for Christmas Gifts for my kids prepared as a guide to all my friends and family. See this as a guide to help you navigate the impossible world of choosing gifts for kids, my kids really.


For the love of all that is sacred and holy in this world, please do not buy my girls another f*cking puzzle! They are incapable of tidying them up and I am quite frankly sick to death of doing it! I don’t care if it’s a Trolls puzzle signed in Glitter by Poppy or by  “Justin Timberleg” himself – that’s what they call him! I don’t even care if that puzzle has the power to turn my child into a genius overnight! Just No!

The only exception would be if you have the power to turn them into an OCD cleaner on receipt of the puzzle gift, otherwise, I don’t want you to give them puzzles! 

If you go against my wishes, rest assured that we will be having the mother of all braai’s (African barbecue) on Boxing Day, where the fire will be fed with the puzzles you bought them! 

Gift Guide for kids

Other Unacceptable Gifts for kids!

Whilst I’m on the subject, also to go on the fire will be any gifts containing glitter, ones that make a noise, require intensive supervision by me or potentially discolour my furniture or car interior (paint, markers, glue etc)! 

Pre-Approved Gifts Guide for Kids

As gift guides for kids go, I’m pretty sure this wasn’t what you were expecting. So here is a helpful list of gifts for kids, probably for most kids. The only acceptable gifts for my kids are as follows:

But … for the love of God, no puzzles or glitter!!!! 

Personal Note To The Grandparents

Consider this an advance warning … Mother!!! If you think I’m the grinch or just a b*tch, I really don’t care. As the only provider of grandchildren and nieces, I suggest you all obey or phone calls won’t be answered, and their attendance at the next holiday (Easter/birthdays etc) will be cancelled! 

Love you all. Tra-la-la-la-la ??❤️?